3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize