I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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