my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
