Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
