I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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