i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
