don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
