theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
