Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
