Pappa wants mamma naked
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
