took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
