OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize