Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
