you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
