this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
