when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
