Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
