sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
