whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
