I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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