I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
