He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
