The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
