There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
