i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
