No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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