He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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