Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
