My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
