I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
