Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
