i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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