If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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