He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
