I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
