Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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