i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
