Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Found the puke drawer
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
