This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize
