Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
