I wish I could punch you in the face.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
