I wannas sexs uuuuu
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
