I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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