Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
