I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
