im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
