She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
