I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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