just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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