the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
