awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
