it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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