Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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