Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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