Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
