At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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