No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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