will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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