i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
