hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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